and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
