I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
