It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
