Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
