Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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