i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize