I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
