The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
