I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
