Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
