no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I AM VODKA MAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
