sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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