the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
