Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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