..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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