I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
