she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
