I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize