i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
