She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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