I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
