I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
