I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
