Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize