I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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