Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
