Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
