I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
