You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
