bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
