I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
