You made me cry and you don't even care
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
