Your mouth is God's brothel.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
