saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
