remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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