Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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