I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
