Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
