If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
