I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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