Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
