I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
