Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
