i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
