sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
