Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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