Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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