guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
