Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
