I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
