I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
