You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
