I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
