I puked a lego.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
