the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
should my penis look like a turkey
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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