I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
