So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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