My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
