I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
