While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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