You just made me feel so damn special
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
