yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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