Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
