drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
